Tuesday, June 30th, 2009
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4:44 pm - Fail
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I went out and got new lawn chairs. And the slacker stoner jerk guys at Lowes (two of them) loaded the giant box onto the cart for me (that they'd crashed into a fancy grill display as they dragged it down the aisle and just laughed) and then laughed and laughed while I tried to push it to the cash register all by myself. I was huffing and puffing and teetering and careening all over and said "I can't even SEE over it!" and they said "You should maybe try and PULL it." and I was like "Oh yeah, right" so I turned it around and did and it wasn't until I got home 'til I was like "WTF!?" They were even like "Be sure to ask someone to help you with that when you check out." Dicks.
Anyways, I thought it was going to fit in my car, and of course the box is like an inch too big, so the next guy is like "SIIIIIGH" and has to cut the box open and we have to unload all the chair pieces into the car and I'm wedgeing all these things under the seats and what-all and I'm sweating like a pig and by the time I get home I just pull into the garage and walk in and close the door and sit down. I'm about to head off to work with a bunch of unassembled lawn chairs in my car because I'm sorry but it was just too hot to bother with this afternoon. My project for the day was to buy lawn chairs and now I can cross it off the list. Assembling lawn chairs will have to wait.
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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Sunday, June 28th, 2009
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10:34 pm - Urk
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It was gruesome hot today. It was in like the hundreds and stuff in some places. Luckily the A/C was blasting at work, you know, on account of the trying to keep people alive thing we're about. I got home and it was still really warm and there were all sorts of teenagers and crap weirdly milling around in the streets. One of the neighbors put a washing machine out with the trash last week, except for like, you can't put a washing machine out with the trash (DUMBASS) you have to call and arrange for it to be picked up or take it to the dump or something; so, this washing machine is still sitting in the street like we live in Tonapah or something. And there's a creepy barefoot kid sitting on the washing machine giving me the willies. All he's missing is the banjo. I press the clicker to open the garage door and: nothing. Press press press. My eyes dart dart dart to the scary teenagers and I drive back around the block and I go to the corner and call Bruce from my cellphone to open the door. No answer; I get the machine. I drive around the next block thinking he might be in the bathroom and call again; no answer. I think "Is the POWER out? No the streetlights are on and the machine came on..." I drive back to the garage and try the clicker again: nothing. I yank it off the visor and point it RIGHT AT THE DOOR AND **SQUEEEEEZE** and the door FINALLY opens. Praise Jebus! There's a note from Bruce on the counter: he's at the movies. Fine!
Earlier today I was at the Jack in the Box (naughty!) and a blind guy came in with his friend. You could tell he was blind because he had a big white cane and his friend was leading him around and he was staring off into space and he just looked really really really blind. I tell you this because it's pertinent to the story. The blind guy and his friend get their food and sit down and I'm only half paying attention but I become aware of some sort of HUBBUB at their table. Apparently they weren't given their food on two trays. You see because now they can't tell their food apart. Because he's blind. "Ma'am" (he says to the JITB employee who's been flagged down by the friend who can SEE PERFECTLY FINE) "I asked to have my food on a separate tray BECAUSE I'M BLIND! You know I'M BLIND! Now we can't tell whose food is whose! I ordered an Ultimate Cheeseburger and he ordered a Jumbo Jack! I ordered a Large Fries! Now I can't tell because I'm BLIND!!!" And started slamming his hands all over the food. Then. THEN! He starts yelling "I'm BLIND! I'm BLIND! HELP HELP! Somebody HELP!" And I'm sitting there frozen with my mouth full of food mid-chew like "SERIOUSLY?! Help!: MY HAMBURGER???" It reminded me of the Smothers Brothers skit where the guy yelled "Fire!" when he fell in the vat of chocolate because he knew no one would come save him if he yelled "CHOCOLATE!" He eventually just grabbed the one closest to him and unwrapped it and started eating. The first thing he said was "Oh it's big!" which made me almost shoot all my food out my mouth, and then he started snarffing it down with no complaints, which was surprising because it wasn't an Ultimate Cheeseburger. Neither of them was from what I could see: they both had lettuce. They were probably both Jumbo Jacks, haw haw. Nutty.
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(7 comments | comment on this)
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Friday, June 26th, 2009
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8:14 am - Friday flashback
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I decided to be obvious, but I hope I was creative about it:
Surprizingly f-ed up for a kid's show! Good stuff.
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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Friday, June 12th, 2009
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1:56 pm - Friday Flashback - PSB 2009 tour - Moscow
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Wednesday, June 10th, 2009
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6:00 pm
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Did anyone else get the same Victoria's Secret sale email as me? I can't stop staring at it like "DUUUUH!" Is that like, legal?
ETA: here I'll save you the trouble:
( Read more... )
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(23 comments | comment on this)
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11:48 am - SHRIEEEK!
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HURRY!
Should I buy:
A: Regular tickets to the Pet Shop Boys concert at $87 ea or
B: VIP meet & greet early admit backstage tickets for $200 ea?
ETA: Nevermind. Once I picked myself off the floor at the stickershock I realised it wasn't that much of a BFD for the backstage tix. Splurges like this are the reason I buy shoes at Kmart and walk with a limp.
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(14 comments | comment on this)
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Friday, June 5th, 2009
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11:59 am - Friday Flashback
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David Byrne was on Colbert last night which reminded me of this one I always liked from I believe the Speaking in Tongues album (Same Talking Heads album that had Burning Down the House on it.)
I guess it wasn't an actual single because I couldn't find an official video of it but this was entertaining enough in that it had white people trying to dance. Always good for a chuckle.
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(23 comments | comment on this)
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Wednesday, June 3rd, 2009
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6:07 pm - AHAHAHAHA! ROFL!
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Friday, May 22nd, 2009
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2:59 pm - Friday Flashback
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Friday, May 15th, 2009
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12:20 pm - Friday Flashback(s)
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Sunday, May 10th, 2009
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8:25 am
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Eeeeech! Those commercials for the Canadaian tourism board make me want to burn down the entire country! (Especially the one where the guy is shrieking on a zip-line for like the entire 30 seconds. SHUT UUUUUP!!!!)
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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Thursday, May 7th, 2009
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12:33 pm
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Friday, May 1st, 2009
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12:06 pm - Friday Flashback
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(Couldn't find an original, is there not a scene using it in the movie? Some neat classic footage in this though.)
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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Wednesday, April 29th, 2009
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1:54 pm - More like this please!
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Tuesday, April 21st, 2009
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2:06 pm - monday
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Phew - jebus it's hot.
94 degree heat + BART ticket + birthday Chili's Gift Card (spent primarily on liquor) + Bed, Bath & Beyond coupon/and birthday Gift card =
Bruce came in through the garage and asked if I'd bought file folders like I said I was going to and I told him I'd bought a doormat instead. He went out to look and laughed and laughed and laughed then came in and said "That's not very nice. What if our friends see that?" I told him to round up some of these imaginary friends and we'll explain later. As it stands the doormat is the nicest part of the house - I'd be ashamed to bring someone inside.
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(13 comments | comment on this)
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Saturday, April 18th, 2009
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2:53 pm
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I'm sure most of you have some sort of local feed or group on your LJ to keep abreast of happenings. My town is so pitiful it doesn't even have its own so I'm stuck with the neighboring town: ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/community.gif) aroundfremont, who will occasionally post something like "OMG, We're getting a Chipotle!!!"
Last night some douche posted "Where does a guy go to get a beer in this town?"
It's called a BAR, motherfucker - DO YOU SPEAK IT?! It's not a dry county for cryin' out loud; you can't swing a dead cat without hitting one, and they serve it in all the restaurants too. Any dummy knows that. If you want to get some people together and watch the ballgame or look at titties or have nachos or go to a poetry slam or whatever you're getting at then SAY SO for Christ's sake.
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(9 comments | comment on this)
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Thursday, April 16th, 2009
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1:39 pm - Er..thanks?
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What's up with all the backhanded compliments, or am I sensitive to notice that sort of thing? Like with that "Britain's Got Talent" clip going around all the judges (and the comments about her) seem to be saying "wow, I thought you were going to suck because of your looks but I was wrong - you can't judge a book by it's cover!" That's not a compliment, you're still calling someone ugly. (Oh and by the way. The whole "Never been kissed" thing? That's a figure of speech, like "knee-high to a grasshopper." Do you actually believe a 47 year-old woman has never been kissed? Come on! Hyperbole!)
I watch a lot of Price is Right during the day (because I usually work the night shift and don't have to go in 'til 1:30) and like once a week one of the women who runs up to the stage (to Drew Carey) goes "Oh gosh - you're acutally *handsome* in person" and looks really baffled. Jeez! I mean he's not traditionally good-looking but the guy is not an OGRE for crying out loud. He has to like smooth his tie and shrug and go "uuuh...my fiance seems to think so!"
BTW they had Bob Barker on today for the showcases giving away copies of his new book and they gave him a standing "O" and he said that all the profits "IF there are any profits" (ROFL!) would go to a spay and neutering charity. For animals, not people* though I suspect.
*There are people that come on the show sometimes with shirts that say "I'm Spayed!" or "I'm Neutered!" Good stuff!
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(21 comments | comment on this)
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Friday, April 10th, 2009
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9:59 am - Happy Birthday Friday Flashback
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Though I've seen various other songs cited depended on where you look, this is the one my mom has written in my baby book as being #1 the day I was born.
I'M OLD!
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(4 comments | comment on this)
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Friday, March 27th, 2009
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11:35 am - Flashback Friday
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U2 - New Years Day
U2. Back when I was trying to teach my mom that music was SRS BIDNIS. I made her go see Rattle and Hum with me (god bless her) and I caught her looking at her watch half way through. (Mom was a good sport.) I said "were you bored?" and she said "No it took me that long to figure out what it was about." (What WAS that about?) Her main question was "Why was it rated PG-13?" She was all braced for something horrific I think. After she said that I realised I didn't know either. I said "I think because Bono says "Fuck the revolution" or something. "Oh my ears!"
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(7 comments | comment on this)
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Friday, March 20th, 2009
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12:54 pm - Flashback Friday
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Came across this in an Elvis thread on the Straight Dope board and everyone was oohing-and ahh-ing over how it sounded so amazing and original and I said "Except it sounds like 'A Hard Day's Night,' right?" and the thread died right on the spot, lol. I know I know. SHUT UP BETSY.
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(4 comments | comment on this)
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voguevixen's journal
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